Turning A Sow's Ear Into Creamy Risotto

re: Bay Area Restaurant takes on Yelp -It's Gone International!

 by Tammy de Leeuw

If you haven't been keeping up with the ongoing saga of the San Francisco Bay area restaurant who decided to take on the suspect business practices of review mega-site, Yelp, then you are missing a textbook lesson in how to use negative press in your favor and make the haters pay.


Botto Italian Bistro owners claim they were being harassed by Yelp salespeople up fifteen times a week, urging them to buy advertising.  The one time they did so, they noticed an upward trend in positive reviews.  As soon as they stopped advertising, however, there was an obvious decline in their rating, with positive reviews being hidden or pushed to the bottom.

This is not the first time I have heard these types of complaints from merchants, many of whom never asked to be on Yelp in the first place.

Despite the fact that courts have consistently said that the practice of skewing reviews in this manner, while it may somewhat despicable, is not illegal, Yelp continues to publicly deny that reviews are rigged relative to advertising reviews.

The reason for this denial, of course, is to maintain the illusion of legitimacy and impartiality that is required if you want merchants to buy advertising on your review site. 

Botto, after demanding that Yelp remove their listing (which Yelp refused to do) came up with a unique idea: offer patrons and would-be patrons a 25% discount for writing BAD reviews.  In fact, the owners stated that they want to be the worst-reviewed restaurant in the entire Bay Area/

This proved positively brilliant, as news outlet after news outlet, some from as far away as Europe and Australia, got in on the act and pushed Botto's review page to viral status.

 I can't wait to go there soon and talk to the owners.  In the meantime, I wrote my own "preview."
Check out the "Best of Botto" at the bottom of the page.
http://www.yelp.com/biz/botto-italian-bistro-richmond-3?hrid=8XmKxo4MmowayIEwHWrdnw#src:self


Best of Botto Reviews (you should definitely read all of them when you have a chance)


 Here are just a few samples of the best bad reviews any restaurant has ever gotten...on purpose.
 From Noah M. in North Carolina

Upon entry, me and my wife were greeted by a man wearing nothing but Crocs and a lacrosse jersey. After offering himself as an appetizer, our waiter led us to the broom closet where he attempted to disrobe my wife and I while singing Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money. After explaining we were just there to eat, the waiter became very cross and led us to a table where we were served a delicious seafood dinner. The waiter redoubled his efforts with a free bottle of wine, but when we declined it he poured the bottle on my head and shouted, "who comes to a brothel to eat dinner?!"

My wife divorced me. I blame Botto.

George F. Seattle, writes:

I ordered a lasagna and the waiter literally punched me in the face. Then he took my date by the hand to the back room and she came back an hour later 6 months pregnant with his child!

Worst breadsticks ever.

 God, this place is a dump.
Did I really eat here, or was it just a bad dream?

Simon from Sacramento Says:

I went here with Heidi Klum last night.
She started blabbing about "America's Got Talent," but I was distracted by a woman sitting at a nearby table.
She had some big boulders, and I wanted to scale them in the worst way.
Heidi turned red when she noticed me staring, and steam literally came out of her ears when I broke out some binoculars.
"What's wrong with you?!!"
I started to tell her, but we really didn't have all night (I listed the top 100 things in an email that I sent her this morning).

I wasn't prepared for what the ambiance had in store.
It was as ghastly as a dime store whore.

A spider crawled out of my menu, but I appreciated the appetizer.
Heidi was disgusted, but only because I didn't offer her a piece. o_O

The server had his junk hanging out, but that just made me feel at home.

At one point, our server went off to smoke a joint.
Our new one smiled at me, and so I viewed her with suspicion.
(She offered to give me her phone number, but she looked like a drag queen in dire need of sleep.)

My Margherita pizza didn't suck too bad (I thought that there was a pizza called the Mamma Mia!, but I was wrong).
It smelled like ass, but the cheese wasn't too moldy, and the crust was as thin as my layer of sanity.

Heidi had a Classico calzone ("Mozzarella, Ham, Mushrooms, Tomatoes").
She threw it up, but only to maintain her shape.

I enjoyed the songs that were played inside (ex: "Moon River" by Andy Williams; "Eat It" by "Weird Al" Yankovic; "Scary Woman" by Randy McAllister).

Go here if you have time to kill, a fat wallet, or an insatiable urge to die.

Oh, the people at Yelp can go to hell.
The site is run by a bunch of misfits and morons.

From "Mr. H" In Gaithersburg, MD

"Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty! For tonight we dine in HELL!"

Later that evening...

"Leonidas? Party of 300? Welcome to Botto Italian Bistro!"

I had a truly bizarre experience the other day. After about 10 shots of Rumpelminz (and 5 or 6 beers), I wandered into this establishment with the one star Yelp reviews. Some kind of abode of the damned, perhaps? But I don't usually give one star reviews...without at least 5 reasons!

1. The bathroom was not equipped with one of those fancy Japanese toilets. You know the ones with the "nut wash" spray at the touch of a button? Those are pretty cool.
2. They do not serve Svoboda Vodka. Made from irradiated potatoes that only grow in and around Chernobyl. To be fair, I haven't found this particular brand at any of 525 bars/restaurants. For some reason.
3. There's "funghi" on the pizza. If you're going to serve moldy pizzas, at least spell it right. It's F-U-N-G-I! Geez!
4. There are no FREEDOM FRIES on the menu. All Italian and French restaurants should have these on the menu as a gentle reminder as to who won the damn war. 'Murica.
5. The "Italian bread" tasted like a sweaty jockstrap. To be fair, I might have been actually chewing on a sweaty jockstrap. My memory gets hazy at this point...

I am going to be sick!